Save-The-Date Etiquette
The early days of engaged life are often a whirlwind sharing the good news with family and friends across the world, all while starting to think about wedding logistics and how to start your wedding planning journey. Once you have spent some time considering your wedding plans, you will likely want to send out Save-the-Dates.
What are Save-the-Dates?
Save the Dates act as an official announcement for your wedding date and location as well as to formally invite guests to your celebration.
Is it essential we send out Save-the-Dates?
While you don’t have to send out Save-the-Date’s if you don’t wish to, sending them will give your guests proper notice regarding your wedding plans. Between people’s busy schedules, travel arrangements, and holidays, sending Save-the-Dates will give people a greater chance of being able to attend your wedding.
When Do I Send out my Save-the-Dates?
There are many different thoughts on this depending on how long of an engagement season you plan to have. The average length of an engagement is typically around 12 months. In this instance I would recommend sending out Save-the-Dates around 7-9 months before your wedding date, especially if you plan to have a number of guests coming from out of town. This will give people plenty of time to book their plane tickets, accommodations, rental cars, budget appropriately and request time off from work. If you plan to have a longer engagement, I would still recommend waiting to send invites until 7-9 months, any sooner and your date might slip guests' minds.
Who do we send Save-the-Dates to?
As we talked about in how to start your wedding planning journey, choosing your guestlist wisely is a very important step in the wedding planning process and is applicable when sending Save-the-Dates. You should send a Save-the-Date to anyone you want to be at your wedding. Even if you have had a conversation or a guest has said they will attend, you should still send them a Save-the-Date as a formality. Besides, they want to see your pretty faces on your card and feel special! Now, the key thing here is: only send a Save-the-Date to people who you absolutely want to attend. If you are not sure yet, make a list of your maybes, go over your budget and reconsider why they would or wouldn't be invited. Once a Save-the-Date is in the mail, you can’t turn back, the last thing you want to do is send out a Save-the-Date without later sending a formal invitation…
What should we include on our Save-the-Date?
You likely don't have all of the details of your wedding day confirmed yet as you are early in the planning process (and that's normal!) BUT there is certain info you want to give guests from the get-go.
Your save the date should include four main pieces of information:
1. You and your Partners name. Full names are best, but for a more casual or infomal wedding celebration first names are fine.
2. The date of your wedding (or date(s) if it is a full weekend of planned celebrations. Your wedding date has been set and it is important to include this on your save -the-date in order to allow your guests to mark your big day on their calendars. If you are planning a celebration that lasts more than a single day, indicate this will be a multi-day celebration so that guests can fit this into their travel plans and schedules.
3. The location of your wedding. Guests need to know where you are planning to celebrate your wedding whether it is out of town or in your hometown. People need to reserve hotel rooms and plan ahead logistically. There is no need to include the exact venue on your save-the-date unless you would like to.
4. Wedding Website: Include a link to your wedding website where guests can go for additional helpful information about your wedding.
Save-The Date Designs
For formal save-the-date stationary consider choosing a simple, light colored background with a colored border. Calligraphy design for names is common with a serif font for the remaining details.
Here are a couple of examples:
Kindly Reserve
August 22, 2022 for the wedding unity
Sally Marie Thomas and Timmy Bernard Smith
Anchorage, Alaska
Formal invitation to follow
***
Sally Marie Thomas and Timmy Bernard Smith
Request your presence at their wedding ceremony
August 22, 2022
Anchorage, Alaska
Formal invitation to follow
For a modern wedding celebration, you may want to include an engagement photo with a link to your wedding website. Here you can use first names only, and abbreviate locations and dates
Here are a couple of examples:
August 22, 2022
Save the Date
Sally and Timmy
Anchorage, AK
Formal invitation to follow
sallysaidyes.com
***
Sally and Timmy
August 22, 2022
Anchorage, AK
Formal invitation to follow
sallysaidyes.com
Addressing the ”Can I bring a guest?” question
You want to be clear from the get go about who is and isn't invited to your wedding. Include the names of every guest who you plan to invite on the envelope, this way, you hopefully won't have any assumed invitees.
Check out the following guidelines for how to address your save the date cards with your guests in mind:
To a single guest, use the appropriate titles, “Mr.”, “Mrs.” or “Ms.”
Mrs. Smith
5577 Abbott Rd,
Anchorage, AK 99507
To a married couple, use titles “Mr. and Mrs.” and the couple’s last name.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
5577 Abbott Rd,
Anchorage, AK 99507
To an unmarried couple, use the titles “Mr. and Ms.” and spell out first and last names.
Mr. Sam Decker and Ms. Stacey Smith
5577 Abbott Rd,
Anchorage, AK 99507
To a married couple with children, include the first names of the children on the second line underneath the parents. If you are not inviting kids, simply leave off their names.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
John and Lily
5577 Abbott Rd,
Anchorage, AK 99507
Save the Date with a plus one, use the title Mr. or Ms. with the last name of the primary guest and write “and guest.”
Mr. Smith and Guest
5577 Abbott Rd,
Anchorage, AK 99507
Where to purchase Save-The-Dates
Many different online sites allow you to create stylish and fun save the date cards. A few of these sites include Minted, Zola, Shutterfly, and Etsy. Most of these sites will even address, stamp and send the cards to guests for you. Don’t forget to save a copy of your save'-the-date for your photographer to get detailed flat lay shots!
Flat lay created by Grey Meets Gold, photographed by Donna Marie Photography
FOR GUESTS:
When a family member, friend, or someone you know gets engaged, it's only natural to wonder if you will be invited to their wedding. As curious as you might be, keep in mind couples have many decisions to make regarding their wedding and inviting everyone they know is most likely not in their plans.
Receiving a Save-the-Date
While you have probably already heard the news about your friend or family member's engagement, and may know the details, receiving a Save-the-Date is a confirmation that you were indeed invited to the wedding. Save the Dates come in many different forms and as a guest you may receive a formal printed invitation in the mail, an email, a sticker magnet, a photo of the couple, or even their favorite treat.
When you receive a Save-the-Date, pay close attention to who it is addressed to and do NOT assume you can bring whoever you want along. Hosting a wedding is expensive, couples spend extensive time putting together their budget for each person invited. Imagine if everyone brought an extra person, food and drinks would likely run short and there wouldn’t be enough space to accommodate everyone.
If your Save-the-Date is addressed to you without your significant other's name, or a space for you to fill out the name of a guest, that means JUST YOU are invited. This also applies to bringing your kids. If your invite is not addressed to the xyz family or Mrs. so and so and Family, do not assume you can bring your kids along.
There is no reason to take not receiving a plus one personally. There are numerous reasons why you might not have been given a plus one. Sometimes venues have guest capacities, some couples want their celebration to be intimate with only their closest friends and family, and ultimately- each guest adds to the overall costs of the wedding.
If you do not receive a Save the Date- don’t be that person who assumes they are still invited. If you are close enough to the couple that you feel like you should have been invited. Have a conversation with them to see if there was a mistake or if they had to limit their guest list and were unable to invite everyone they wanted to.
The whole process of choosing a guestlist, planning a large wedding and making tough decisions is often enough to convince couples that eloping is best for them (and it’s always epic). Do not add to the couple's stress. / You don’t need to be the person adding anxiety and stress to their special day.
